Warnings: Not part of AtO's timeline- just borrowing that universe. Beware of huge plot-holes since this ignores any established plot, events and countless other things. Let's just consider it super crack-ish, to be safe. Very un-edited.
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"I think we managed a pretty awesome haul today. Thanks for not bailing out on me otherwise grocery shopping would have been horrid," Harry said as he climbed up his stairs. Harry turned back slightly, "Actually, you've been unnaturally nice about helping me get groceries. So spill, what's put you in that good and helpful mood?"
Itachi just shrugged.
"Did Kiba's sister finally agree to go out on a date with you?"
Harry chuckled at the happy embarrassment he detected from Itachi's movements as he fished out his keys. After a slight jingle, he pushed open the door and stepped in with Itachi close behind.
"HAPPY BIRTHDAY!" A chorus of voices yelled out loud.
Harry flinched back in surprise and blinked at the numerous faces in his decorated apartment. Streamers, balloons and other colourful items filled every inch of free space. "Birthday? It's not my birthday." After a fairly awkward silence, Harry gasped in surprise and turned to Itachi. "It's your birthday?"
Itachi narrowed his eyes.
Harry winced. "Of course it is, I knew that. I bet you're completely surprised with this..."
"Nii-san, you didn't know?" Naruto came forward and grabbed some of the bags as Harry closed the door. "But you kept him away while we decorated this place."
"I had to buy groceries."
"So you weren't just taking him around to keep him away from here?" Naruto said, "I thought you realized the plan when I asked if you'd be away from here."
Harry shook his head.
"Then why were you taking him around?" Shikamaru asked. "And why'd you bring him here?"
"People tend to lower their prices when he's around. I thought it'd be a waste not to use his skills." Harry shrugged and twitched when everyone stared at him in blatant disbelief. "What? Well, it's not like he knows my birthday."
"July 31st," Itachi said with a scowl and turned away placing the other bags inside.
Harry blinked in surprise. "I stand corrected."
"Nii-san!" Naruto slumped in slight embarrassment.
"What? Itachi doesn't mind, right? Itachi?" Harry turned to his friend."Oh! This was probably another reason you were okay with all the grocery shopping. You were expecting this party?"
Itachi didn't acknowledge him and walked away towards the other side of the room, keeping his back to Harry. Everyone in the apartment shifted uncomfortably.
"So you're not going to talk to me now? Not even going to acknowledge my existence, huh?"
Itachi didn't move.
Harry sighed. "That might be a problem." Harry grabbed the handle of his apartment door. "especially since my gift is so awesome. In fact, it's probably in a league of it's own."
Everyone, including Itachi, stared at Harry in surprise just as a loud crash and panicked screams filled the air.
Harry smiled. "Perfect. I couldn't have timed it any better if I tried." He opened the door and looked up at the large purple-scaled snake that was leaning down towards his door.
Metal clinked behind him but Harry just looked up and waved, "Manda-san, over here."
The snake, Manda, made an odd gurgling sound, opened it's mouth wide and spit out an unconscious human body.
"You owe me. Remember your promise, boy," Manda said, opting to speak like a human.
Harry nodded and hissed back. "A promise is a promise." He leaned down and pulled the unconscious body in to his apartment just as the snake disappeared in an explosion of smoke.
"I really need to exercise more," Harry exclaimed as he finally pulled the body in to the apartment and closed his door. Ignoring the confusion around him, Harry turned to Itachi and stepped aside allowing everyone to get a better glimpse of the body and said, "Happy Birthday!"
Itachi rushed forward. "Sasuke."
Naruto looked at Harry in confused awe. "How...What..."
Sakura stood still with wide eyes while Kakashi dropped his book. Everyone else seemed stuck in various stages of shock.
"After eavesdropping on some tiny snakes here, I learnt that Manda had some problems, of the romantic sort. Some lady-snake he was pining for wanted nothing to do with him," Harry said, "Anyway, long story short, I promised to help, act as a go-between. Since I spoke 'snake', he took my offer sincerely and the rest... well, it's pretty obvious, isn't it?"
Yamato shook his head. "No, it isn't obvious at all. Stop skipping over the important details."
Harry waved off the questions and turned to Itachi. "Well?"
Itachi snorted but his lips twitched upwards.
"I'll take that as a large squeal of joy and a proclamation of me being the best friend ever." Harry turned around. "You know what'll make this moment perfect?"
"A commemorative photo?" Sai said.
"No twitchy ANBU waiting on your roof?" Izumo supplied.
"Background music?" Kotetsu said as he slurped some syrup.
Harry went in to his kitchen. "Cake! lots of cake."
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I have to say, it's rather irritating/amusing/sad (mostly sad) that people seem eager to pair Harry and Itachi together romantically (even in AtO). What ever happened to normal friendship? It's like people see no value in friendship.Anyway, hope you guys are doing well,
Polar.
P.S. Why, yes, I do believe in the rare and absolutely-no-proof-from-canon ItachiXHana pairing. How nice of you to notice.
Hah XD This was awesome! Thank you for sharing. LOL Sasuke-the-bday-gift. And Manda with lady troubles- I'm with Yamato on that one, it really *isn't* obvious. Stop skipping the details, Harry.
ReplyDeleteOn another note: I agree completely with what you said here about people apparently seeing no value in friendship. It's like being 'just' friends isn't worth as much as being romantically involved, for whatever reason. *scowl*
You're right, that's sad. It's like "you can't be close and trust each other without starting snogging each other". Actually I've become wary of fics where people have close friends because then it'll turn into a love story, and come on...
ReplyDeleteBut then, honest, read fanfiction makes me worry about the moral values of teenage girls today : rape in all its forms, incest, pedophilia seem so widely accepted at time ?? Like "yeah, Harry who is 13 goes out with a teacher but it's not wrong because he is so in love and being Harry he's got the right to decide everything about his life anyway even if he's a kid". What the hell? Or "Kakashi fell for Sakura, but since she's a ninja the fact that she's 12 is okay" Urgl
And to keep ranting, I'm amazed by these fics where 12 years old sleep with each other. It might not be pedophilia, but if memory serves well, when I was 12 kids around me didn't think much further than snogging.
And, and... These "kickass Harry" stories where Dumbledore is the big bad wolf usually have Harry going to the bank and being so friend to the goblins and discovering he's got adults managing his bank account for him, and he gets angry about it and sets to manage it himself. Again, what the hell? Since when do 11 years old kids manage a wealthy bank account by themselves. Just because Harry is suddenly "badass with a backbone", as the authors like to say, it doesn't mean he shouldn't be treated like the child he is. Ah well...
Sorry about the rant. Anyway, it didn't even occur to me to see Harry and Itachi's friendship as anything else than a friendship story.
Loved this omake, it was just so absurd... Thanks for the laugh you gave me!
Wrote the below months ago so pretty much Totally agree....
ReplyDeletehttp://forum.fanfiction.net/topic/83184/37542020/1/
RAR!
Anyways If you want to read a really really well written friendship fic.....
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4860864/1/Who_I_Am
I love this fic as much as Against the Odds. I'm so glad I found it and gave it a chance. 8)
Just applying the words "squeal of joy" with the image of the stonic Itachi had me in a fit of giggles. So obviously I loved this one. Please allow your muse to go on a rampage if it results in things like this. hehehhe
ReplyDelete8)
Humm ... I remember what I wanted to add to that forum post. *goes off to edit.*
ReplyDeleteI second that fic. "Who I Am" is definitely a good friendship fic- fun to read and interesting to see how different characters interact.
ReplyDeleteI wish there was more friendship stories- especially ones that deal with team 7's growth as friends. I remember reading one ages ago (something about all of team 7 defecting to stay together), but I think it's been deleted.
What do you mean not obvious? It's totally obvious what Harry did. Lol. I think I had way too much fun with that- just imagining all the incredulous looks of surprise and disbelief Harry managed to gain from different ninja in this omake.
ReplyDeleteObviously I had to give Harry super acting powers for this but still, it was fun to imagine him pulling all this off with a straight face.
I totally agree with your rant- some fics just creep me out, especially ones that make things like rape 'fashionable' and 'cool'. It's scary to think that people find such things acceptable, especially since the victims in real life are left so broken after their experience.
ReplyDeleteI always found it rather disturbing how fanfic translates pedophilia/rape to love. I wish people would do a lot more reading before they write. There's so much psychology behind these things that should not be ignored or pushed away. Even a glimpse at Wikipedia would work- just read and please think before you write.
Anyway I'm glad this omake brought a laugh. Who'd have thought that Manda could be used for comedy?
Now that I think about it Sasuke even has a bow on his outfit hehehhehe
ReplyDeleteThat was so sweet... Apart from Madara throwing Sasuke up. That was kinda gross. I wonder whether he was beginning to be digested... Now, I'm being gross, aren't I?
ReplyDeleteAnyway, seeing Itachi happy for once, is very nice to see and some of the lines and situations were truly funny (particularly the one about Harry pretty much using Itachi as a discount).
I actually like that you keep your story pairing-free. What's going in my head later though, is my business alone... Seriously though, it's hard to find stories that don't feel the need to shoe horn a pairing in.
While I certainly agree with most of what you say, I find that your initial specification of "teenage girls" entirely wrong. I know it's popular to say that the girl's with their yaoi fetishes are hard-boiled, but look at what boys write! One of the most common protagonists in fan fiction written by males, probably is the over-powered sexist (Yes, I do count him such if he is a polygamist).
ReplyDeleteIn fact just a few days ago I stumbled across a Naruto/Digimon crossover. Naruto was an omniscient and omnipotent immortal of hundreds of years, who now dates a 12 years old girl (I'm kindly using American ages here, in Japan the age would be 10). Upon a kind reminder that this is in fact on the creepy side of pairings, he pretty much said, that his body is frozen at a younger age so it's Okay (because everyone knows it's only statutory rape if the older person looks much older).
It's not just girl's, who have these rather explicite and warped fantasies.
Talking about fantasies: Yes, it can be disturbing how it's dealt with at times, but rape is in fact a very common fantasy. It's no wonder that people act that out in stories they write. While I too get a bit sick if the victim for example ends up falling for the perpetrator, I try to remind myself that such things aren't to be taken too literally. And yes teenagers too have fantasies. Hazy fantasies that only begin to get more concrete and realistic over time.
Small hasty mistake. It wasn't Madara of course... That mental image is even more disturbing come to think of it...
ReplyDeleteOh man- thanks for the weird imagery. I was already pretty creeped out by Madara in the first place, this just makes me have horrid Orochimaru flashbacks.
ReplyDeleteAnyway, glad you enjoyed this.
The mental image of Manda gobbing up Sasuke like a cat gobbing up a hairball will stay with me forever. Thank you.
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